


Accidents Happen

by un-shit-yourself (fenix_down)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossdressing, Fenris needs alcohol, Hawke no, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sexual Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9577916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenix_down/pseuds/un-shit-yourself
Summary: Written as a very belated present forrenegadechristie. She's brought so much joy to my butt with all of her crackfic, so I'm repaying the favor.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [renegadechristie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/renegadechristie/gifts).



Fenris sat in the living room, headphones over his ears and blaring “Carmina Burana”, angrily determined to keep his focus on his book and _not_ on the noises coming from his roommate’s bedroom. Normally, he would vacate the house immediately when Anders came over, not only because he could hardly stand him, but also because he and Hawke would engage in marathon sessions of sexual olympics that tended to go on for an infuriating (though impressive, he had to admit) duration. 

Tonight, though, it was cold and raining, and Fenris had no intention of braving the weather to walk a few blocks to the coffee shop. He could endure the racket, even though he was positive the only reason the neighbors hadn’t complained was because Hawke bribed them. At least the man charged him an incredibly fair price in rent; it almost made up for this frequent nonsense.

Just as the next section of the cantata started playing, there was a loud _crash_ from upstairs. It was much more weighty than the rhythmic thumping he’d been blocking out, so he paused in his reading, eyebrow quirked at the ceiling. 

The thumping did not resume, and he cautiously uncupped the headphones from one ear, only to make a horrified face when he heard Anders calling out his name. It took a moment for him to realize it wasn’t passion in his tone, but panic.

Annoyance turned to fear and he quickly sprang to action (quite literally, taking out the endtable on his way), darting up the stairs but then freezing before the door at Anders’ shrill “ _Wait!_ ” Fenris’ hesitation grew; it was unwise to barge into Hawke’s room at any given time of day, regardless of his company, but this situation was going to be Uncomfortable at the very least and Unforgivable at worst. “What the fuck, Anders?” he called out.

“Um,” said the anxious voice inside. “Hawke passed out and needs help.”

“And you cannot help him?”

“Er, no.”

Fenris grit his teeth; the things he did for cheap rent. “Then I am coming in.“

“Alright, but don’t say anything!”

“I can, and I will.”

“This was all Hawke’s idea, you can’t judge me for it!”

“What matters more, Hawke’s safety or your pride?”

Anders cursed under his breath, and Fenris assumed that whatever he’d said mimicked his own feelings about the situation. Luckily, the bedroom locks were flimsy, and the door was no match for Fenris’ shoulder. 

The sight that greeted him upon entry was one it would take many, _many_ bottles of wine to un-see. The rope tying Anders’ wrists to the bedframe explained his inability to help Hawke, who had fallen onto the floor, naked save for the latex dragon head mask that covered his face. Fenris tried his hardest not to look at the disheveled princess dress hiked up to Anders’ waist, but did note that at least the man had the decency to look humiliated.

“Pink is _not_ your color,” Fenris managed, too startled to even laugh.

“Shut up and save Hawke,” Anders replied, resolutely staring at the ceiling.

He wondered for a moment if it wouldn’t be better just to let the man die as an act of mercy, but then decided that it would help himself more to bribe favors from this situation for the rest of Hawke’s life, and crouched down to yank the dragon head off. Hawke’s face was scarlet, and not from embarrassment; the mask had obviously not been made to have sufficient airflow for such activities. Fenris had zero hesitation with slapping Hawke across the face to wake him up, and he did it again after his eyes opened just so his roommate understood the full extent of Fenris’ disdain.

“Oh hey,” Hawke said, blinking and wiping sweat from his brow. “Where’s Anders?”

“Where you left him, presumably regretting all of his life choices,” Fenris replied. 

“Good guess,” Anders said under his breath, then a little clearer, “Are you alright, Hawke?”

The man took a few deep breaths before getting to his feet, giving Fenris a crooked grin and standing with his hands on his hips, proudly displaying the fact that he had as much modesty as sense. “Yep. Gonna cross that idea off the list, though. It’s a shame, but we can’t win them all.”

“Well, I’m letting you die next time one of your depraved ‘ideas’ threatens your life,” Fenris grumbled. “I’m going to go back downstairs and drink myself unconscious now.”

“Yes, good, thanks, bye,” Anders declared quickly, still not looking at him..

“Aww,” Hawke said. “But you’re my hero. A veritable knight-in-shining-armor. Completes the act perfectly, don’t you think?” He wiggled his eyebrows and cocked his hip. “You don’t want to stay and save the princess from the big, bad dragon?”

The sound Anders made from the bed was not meant for mortal ears. Instead of answering, Fenris threw the dragon mask at Hawke’s head and slammed the door as he fled.

**Author's Note:**

> Not that it matters at all, but this is what I pictured for the dragon mask. You're welcome for adding more to that mental image.


End file.
